The Brownhaze Long Posts

Dizzy


Anyone who ever played 'Dizzy' on the Spectrum will remember those little scrolling messages which gave you clues in the game. They said stuff like: 'There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the North of Katmandu', 'There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew' and 'The Yellow God forever gazes down'. Not a lot of people know this, but these are just lines from the poem on which the game is (very) loosely based around. It's called 'The Green Eye of The Yellow God' and was written by J. Milton Hayes. For some reason, in the game, they removed the silent 'H' from Khatmandu. Anyway, here's the full poem:
The Green Eye of The Yellow God

------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the North of Khatmandu

There's a little marble cross below the town

There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew

And the Yellow God forever gazes down

He was known as Mad Carew by the `subs' at Khatmandu

He was hotter than they felt inclined to tell

But for all his foolish pranks, he was worshipped in the ranks

And the Colonel's daughter smiled on him as well

She was nearly twenty-one, and plans had begun, To celibrate her birthday with a ball

He wrote to ask what present she would like from Mad Carew

They met next day as he dismissed his squad,

And jestingly she told him that nothing else would do 'cept the green eye of the Little Yellow God.

The night before the dance, Mad Carew seemed in a trance

They chafed him as he puffed at his cigar

But for once he failed to smile and he sat alone a while

Then went out into the dark beneath the stars

He returned before the dawn, with his shirt and tunic torn

A gash across his forehead dripping red

He was sent to bed right away, and he slept throughout the day

And the colonels daughter sat beside his bed

He awoke at last and asked, if they could send his tunic through

She brought it and he thanked her with a nod

He bade her search the pocket, saying `that's from Mad Carew'

And she found the green eye of the Little Yellow God

She scolded Mad Carew, in the way that women do

Though both her eye's were strangley hot and wet

But she wouldn't take the stone, and mad Carew was left alone

With the jewel he'd chanced his life to get

When the ball was at it's height, On that still and tropic night

She thought of him, and hastened to his room

As she crossed the barrack square, she could hear the dreamy air

Of a waltz tune softly stealing through the gloom

The door was opened wide, with silver moonlight shining through

The place was wet and slippey where she trod
An ugly knife lay buried in the breast of Mad Carew

T'was the vengeance of the Little Yellow God

There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the North of Khatmandu

There's a little marble cross below the town

There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew

And the Yellow God forever gazes down

Stolen from Retro Gaming

Armbreaker: Particularly energetic wank.

Arse Spider: Tenacious well knotted winnit that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it.

Audition the finger puppets: A single-act, one man show not suitable for children.

Autograph the gusset. To allow the turtles head to sign the inside of your underpants.

Bacon strips: External female genitalia.

Beef box: A container into which sausages are put.

Benny Hill: Rhyming slang, female contraceptive.

Brown Daisy: Unpleasantly scented flower which attracts flies rather than bees.

Budgies tongue: Descriptive, the female erective bit!!

Bum Goblin: A gnarled malevolent turd that jumps out behind you casting a painful spell on your ringpiece!

B.V.H: Abbr, "Blue veined hooligan" A six inch tall, one eyed skinhead.

Chugnuts: Extremely large piles.

Cider Visor: Beer goggles for the younger drinker.

Cliterature: One handed reading material.

Cockoholic: One who is addicted to cockahol.

Conkers deep: To be in a state of deep penetration.

Cough your filthy yoghurt: Romantic expression for ejaculation.

Crunchie: A sock worn the morning after being used as a wank-mop.

Disco fanny: The full strength flavour achieved after 6 hours on a dance floor in PVC trousers.

Ditch Pig: Affectionate term for an ugly fat girl.

Frog: A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrogs.

Double bassing: To have sex from behind while fiddling with the ladies left nipple with one hand and her budgies tongue with the other, a position similar to the one adopted for playing the double bass, though the sound is slightly different.

Drown some kittens: To drown a litter of small stools.

Eating sushi off a barber shop floor: Cunnulingus.

Face fannies: Sideburns.

Feeding the pony: One handed feeding of a ladys toothless gibbon.

Five pinter: A very ugly woman you would only chat-up after five pints.

Fizzy gravy: Rusty water, diahorrea.

Free the tadpoles: To liberate the residents of ones wank tanks.

Fuckshitfuckshitsuckshit: The sound made when driving through to narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Funbagtastic: Exclm, may be uttered when seeing a large pair of breasts.

Grannys oysters: Elderly female genitalia.

Greyhound: Very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Hairy Scallops: Furry shellfish to be eaten when bearded clams are out of season.

Hand-to-gland combat: Vigorous three minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving a spam javelin.

Heftty-clefty: Welly top, horses collar. Descriptive of a large vagina.

Lord of the pies: Salad dodger, barge arse, Danny Baker. Mexican lipstick: Embarrassing facial tide mark found after eating out lady who was up on the blocks.

Ming the merciless: Death by chocolate starfish.

Monkey bath: A bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go *Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!*.

Opera house: A large vagina, with heavy pink safety curtains.

Pie-Liner: A Femidom.

PIK: Acronym, Pig In Knickers.

Pumpers Lump: The condition of enhanced right arm muscle due to excessive wanking.

Quim Chin, Muff mouth: A bearded fellow.

Release the chocolate hostage: To liberate Richard the third.

Roy Castle*s last blow: A pathetic whimpering fart.

Starfish Trooper: An Arsestronaut*..

Tit Pants: A Bra.

Tongue Punchbag, Small man in a boat: See Budgie*s Tongue.

Two Bagger: Someone so ugly that two bags are required, one to cover their head and one to cover yours incase theirs falls off.

Up on the blocks: Monthly MOT failure due to recurring leak under the Beatle Bonnet.

Wet as an otters pocket: Descriptive as to the moistness of a ladies kipper mitten.

X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

Here is the gospel according to man;

The Man Code............................................ And so it has been written, it shall be known as simply "The CODE"

1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolate."

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits.................. forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your Buck's Night

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more!" "Harder!"

25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

29. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF", you are absolved of your of responsibility.

30. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

test

Digital Tradition Mirror
Abdul Abulbul Amir


Abdul Abulbul Amir

The sons of the prophet were hardy and bold,
And quite unaccustomed to fear,
But the bravest of these was a man, I am told
Named Abdul Abulbul Amir.

This son of the desert, in battle aroused,
Could spit twenty men on his spear.
A terrible creature, both sober and soused
Was Abdul Abulbul Amir.

When they needed a man to encourage the van,
Or to harass the foe from the rear,
Or to storm a redoubt, they had only to shout
For Abdul Abulbul Amir.

There are heroes aplenty and men known to fame
In the troops that were led by the Czar;
But the bravest of these was a man by the name
Of Ivan Skavinsky Skivar.

He could imitate Irving, play Euchre and pool
And perform on the Spanish Guitar.
In fact, quite the cream of the Muscovite team
Was Ivan Skavinsky Skivar.

The ladies all loved him, his rivals were few;
He could drink them all under the bar.
As gallant or tank, there was no one to rank
With Ivan Skavinsky Skivar.

One day this bold Russian had shouldered his gun
And donned his most truculent sneer
Downtown he did go, where he trod on the toe
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir

"Young man" quoth Bulbul, "has life grown so dull,
That you're anxious to end your career?
Vile infidel! Know, you have trod on the toe
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir."

"So take your last look at the sunshine and brook
And send your regrets to the Czar;
By this I imply you are going to die,
Mr. Ivan Skavinsky Skivar."

Quoth Ivan, "My friend, your remarks, in the end,
Will avail you but little, I fear,
For you ne'er will survive to repeat them alive,
Mr. Abdul Abulbul Amir!"

Then this bold mameluke drew his trusty chibouque
With a cry of "Allah Akbar!"
And with murderous intent, he ferociously went
For Ivan Skavinsky Skivar.

Then they parried and thrust and they side-stepped and
cussed
'Till their blood would have filled a great pot.
The philologist blokes, who seldom crack jokes,
Say that hash was first made on that spot.

They fought all that night, 'neath the pale yellow moon;
The din, it was heard from afar;
And great multitudes came, so great was the fame
of Abdul and Ivan Skivar.

As Abdul's long knife was extracting the life -
In fact, he was shouting "Huzzah!" - -
He felt himself struck by that wily Kalmuck,
Count Ivan Skavinsky Skivar.

The sultan drove by in his red-breasted fly,
Expecting the victor to cheer;
But he only drew nigh to hear the last sigh
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir.

Czar Petrovich, too, in his spectacles blue
Rode up in his new crested car.
He arrived just in time to exchange a last line
With Ivan Skavinsky Skivar.

A loud-sounding splash from the Danube was heard
Resounding o'er meadows afar;
It came from the sack fitting close to the back
Of Ivan Skavinsky Skovar.

There's a tomb rises up where the blue Danube flows;
Engraved there in characters clear;
"Ah stranger, when passing, please pray for the soul
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir."

A Muscovite maiden her lone vigil keeps,
"Neath the light of the pale polar star;
And the name that she murmurs as oft as she weeps
Is Ivan Skavinsky Skivar.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Written in 1877 by Percy French, an Irish music hall entertainer.
A London publisher ripped him off an printer copies of the song
with no author's name listed, so most sources say the authorship
of the song is "unknown'" which is a great shame. The setting is
the Crimean War in the 1850's. Few people take this song
seriously, so I'll suggest that you look carefully for the truths
behind the jest. - Bill Steele

Recorded by Bill Steele on Chocolate Chip Cookies, Swallowtail ST-
7.
Also see Shay ,Pious Friends and Drunken Companions. RG

Acurate catagorys for time sheet

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Code Description
****************
5316 - Useless Meeting
5317 - Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 - Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 - Waiting for Break
5320 - Waiting for Lunch
5321 - Waiting for End of Day
5322 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393 - Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 - Buying Snack
5482 - Eating Snack
5500 - Filling Out Timesheet
5501 - Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 - Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 - Scratching Yourself
5504 - Sleeping
5510 - Feeling Bored
5511 - Feeling Horny
5600 - Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 - Complaining About Low Pay
5602 - Complaining About Long Hours
5603 - Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604 - Complaining About Boss
5605 - Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
6200 - Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 - Stealing Company Goods
6202 - Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 - Hiding from Boss
6206 - Gossip
6207 - Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6211 - Updating CV
6212 - Faxing CV to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 - Out of Office on Interview
6221 - Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 - Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 - Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 - Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They Are Jerks
6238 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 - Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 - Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602 - Complaining
6603 - Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 - Staring Into Space
6612 - Staring At Computer Screen
6615 - Transcendental Meditation
7281 - Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400 - Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 - Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 - Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 - Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 - Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 - Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 - Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 - Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7931 - Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 - Recreational Drug Use
8001 - Non-Recreational Drug Use
8002 - Liquid Lunch
8100 - Reading e-mail
8102 - Laughing while reading e-mail

The Cyber seX Files
doodley dooldey doodley doodley boop boop boop

A whole buch of funny transcripts from people trying to get there rocks off over IRC chat rooms. Dont know how may of these are real, I havent even read them all yet. But I do know the ones I have read are damn funny so, check em out.

Wellhung: Hello, sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out everyday, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner.. it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: Okay

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge,swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentlly rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's okay. It really wasn't that expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back to undo the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breats with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is all over, in and out nibbling on you ...um... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking to the bedroom. Wait,it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing into each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them.I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK,now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it,baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hairspray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser.

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart:

*****************************************************

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

Yeah it was pretty sweet.




This one was good.

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.




This kinda sucked.

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something




Ew this chick was nasty. Yeeeeaah.

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.

*******************************************************

NeoNinjaEarth has entered the room.
NeoNinjaEarth: I'm here
GodsOnlyDaughter: Greetings ^_^
GodsOnlyDaughter: Hmm, hold on for a second. Ok?
NeoNinjaEarth: Hey , GodsOnlyDaughter!
NeoNinjaEarth: I'll talk to you from here.
GodsOnlyDaughter: Ok. Yes?
GodsOnlyDaughter: Ok ^_^
NeoNinjaEarth: What make you think that you are a female messiah?
GodsOnlyDaughter: Because I am God's daughter
NeoNinjaEarth: God has many daughters, but none are messiahs but daughters of Christ that have been saved by his blood.
GodsOnlyDaughter: You see, God got a sex change, and booted Jesus from the Messiah position. Then I was born, and I became the female Messiah.
NeoNinjaEarth: Blasphemy.
GodsOnlyDaughter: Jesus went on to be a porn star. He wasn't the brightest sibling, you know?
NeoNinjaEarth: What is your real name?
GodsOnlyDaughter: I am Jenny Christ, sister to Jesus Christ
NeoNinjaEarth: I warn you, woe unto you if you deny Jesus Christ and speak a different doctrine of the gospel of Christ. The Bible has not spoke of a female messiah. The Messiah is Jesus Christ and He shall return in victory.
NeoNinjaEarth: I really urge you to stop this sherad before you face God's wratch. You and IntoxiChrist
NeoNinjaEarth: I'm serious.
NeoNinjaEarth: You could suffer or worse!
GodsOnlyDaughter: But I'm only 13. The Bible was made WAY before I was born, so how could it say I was never here?
GodsOnlyDaughter: You're probably one of those people who send out chain letters saying "You will die in an hour if you do not send this to 10000000000 people!"
NeoNinjaEarth: No. But I am a prophet and servant of the Lord.
IntoxiChrist: Hey, Sis... I'm back.
GodsOnlyDaughter: I mean, My Dad won't kill me or anything yet. Ground me for 1,000 years maybe, but not death. Anyways, I gotta live longer before I die for your sins.
IntoxiChrist: Er... What the FUCK is going on here?
GodsOnlyDaughter: Some guy says I'm not real...
GodsOnlyDaughter: No one ever believes me. Why can't we make a Heaven Newspaper or something? No one knows about me!
NeoNinjaEarth: Both of you, IN THE NAME OF JESUS I REBUKE BOTH OF YOU FOR BLASPHEMY AGAINST THE TRUE JESUS CHRIST AND GOD ALMIGHT!!
GodsOnlyDaughter: What have you been smoking, man?
IntoxiChrist: Well, I was all for a Heaven Newspaper, but NO... I got ousted in favor of You.
NeoNinjaEarth: I"m serious. Stop this, both of you!
IntoxiChrist: And You don't have the same strength I do, as a Girl. *sigh*
GodsOnlyDaughter: I can't help it if Daddy favors me.
IntoxiChrist: Dammit... Why did Dad have a sex change? WHY?!?!?
GodsOnlyDaughter: You're a guy? Really? I could have never noticed
GodsOnlyDaughter: Maybe he didn't like it that Jesus Christ was gay? You couldn't keep it a secret from him, Jesus. Or Dad is GOD. He knows all.
NeoNinjaEarth: I will warn you only once more. For Jesus the Christ prophasized that many will come in His name claiming that they are the Messiah and of God.
IntoxiChrist: Dammit... Neo! Help Me out, here, man... You worship Me, the *SON* of God, right?!?
IntoxiChrist: Who would have dreamed that this "Women's Liberation" bullshit would reach the Gates of the Kingdom!!!
NeoNinjaEarth: You two, especially the 13 year old, STOP THIS seriously. I'm really sure about what will happen to you two if you don't
GodsOnlyDaughter: Hey! Shut up, jesus
GodsOnlyDaughter: Our family made a pact with Satan that we can't go to Hell. But that's hush hush, so don't tell anyone.
IntoxiChrist: Dammit... I Am the Lord and Savior... *You* don't tell Me to shut up.
NeoNinjaEarth: I worship the true Christ, who was born, has died and has risen and is in Heaven and sits on the right hand throne of God and who is coming back again to judge the living and the dead.
IntoxiChrist: And Sis... I'm telling Dad you're being a Slut.
IntoxiChrist: SEE?!?! He worships Me, Jenny!! Not You!!
GodsOnlyDaughter: No! I'm the one Daddy said was to be worshiped! IT'S NOT FAIR ;_;
NeoNinjaEarth: Bye guys! Remember, God has warned you both. This is nothing to play with. IF you continue, you will both be punished for your blasphemies against God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
IntoxiChrist: That was AFTER S/He got the fucking sex change, dammit!! *cries*
GodsOnlyDaughter: He did it because you are a GAY-WAD
NeoNinjaEarth: I'll pray for you both that you realize the truth and that God spares you his punishment.
NeoNinjaEarth: God bless you both and may he have mercy upon your souls.


***********************************************************

Scutrputr: hi
Cum Recepticle: Hello there. My name's Cindy
Scutrputr: hey there, my name's scott
Cum Recepticle: Doesn't my name ring a bell>?
Scutrputr: I don't know. should it?
Cum Recepticle: Yes it should.
Cum Recepticle: Like, you love me, you goddamned whore!
Cum Recepticle: HOW DARE YOU TRY AND PICK UP GIRLS ON THE INTNERNET
Cum Recepticle: I knew I'd catch you
Scutrputr: what?
Cum Recepticle: From your info:
Cum Recepticle: I'll talk to anybody about just about anything! You'll find that I'm a super nice guy who just likes to make friends. IM me sometime! Bye! I love you, Cindy!!!!!!!
I'm a schmoopie!!! yay!!!
Cum Recepticle: DUH
Scutrputr: who is this?
Cum Recepticle: CINDY YOU BASTARD
Scutrputr: Cindy?
Scutrputr: my girlfriend?
Cum Recepticle: NO SHIT SHERLOCK
Cum Recepticle: I've been trying to catch you in the act for a long time now, you ungrateful bastard
Scutrputr: what's my last name?
Cum Recepticle: Hey, I don't need to answer to you, asshole
Cum Recepticle: I KNEW you were doing this shit behind my back, you couldn't fool me
Scutrputr: Cindy, I'm not trying to "pick up" anybody
Cum Recepticle: Oh, MY ASS YOU AREN'T
Cum Recepticle: I suppose you IM people named Cum Recepticle simply for idle conversation, eh?
Scutrputr: ok ok. Fine. I'm sorry. i'm an asshole
Cum Recepticle: Yes you are, YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE
Scutrputr: I'll never talk to you again. I'm sorry.
Cum Recepticle: HOW DARE YOU!!!!!
Cum Recepticle: And I trusted you.
Cum Recepticle: No, please...don't go
Cum Recepticle: I'm sorry, I overreacted.
Scutrputr: Beleive me, Cindy, when I tell you I love you i really, truly mean it
Scutrputr: I've never meant it before
Cum Recepticle: WHAT!?
Cum Recepticle: WHAT THE FUCK
Scutrputr: Before I met you
Cum Recepticle: that's supposed to comfort me or something?
Cum Recepticle: Oh...okay...
Scutrputr: you've got me shaken..I'm sorry
Cum Recepticle: My ass. You're just playing me, I know it
Scutrputr: Cindy, you are the only one I love
Cum Recepticle: Then why are you IMing strangers on the internet? GIRLS even!
Scutrputr: I am so, so sorry
Cum Recepticle: I'm so sure...Scott, it's difficult for me to believe you
Scutrputr: I don't know
Cum Recepticle: I feel so tramatized right now, I don't know what to believe
Cum Recepticle: All I know is what this looks like, that you're picking up girls on the internet
Cum Recepticle: AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!?
Scutrputr: Cindy, I love you. I want to be with you. I don't know what I'm saying
Scutrputr: I'm jus a horny jerk
Cum Recepticle: Well, I knew that...but that doesn't make things any better.
Cum Recepticle: How am I ever to trust you again?
Scutrputr: Cindy, I want you to know that I really do love you
Scutrputr: I'm not just saying that
Cum Recepticle: But how can I know for sure?
Cum Recepticle: I know you've been doing this behind my back since we hooked up, I just know it
Scutrputr: I want to be with you. Why do you think I'm wanting to come all the way up there?
Cum Recepticle: I denied it, but I finally had to see for myself...
Cum Recepticle: But you're not here, now, and that's what hurts
Cum Recepticle: because I don't know...maybe you're seeing someone else...?
Scutrputr: I know. I'm just not used to being in a relationship
Cum Recepticle: But....all those things you've said to me!
Scutrputr: Like I love you? I meant it
Scutrputr: You're the first person I've ever been able to say that to
Cum Recepticle: No, those other sweet words
Cum Recepticle: DON'T YOU REMEMBER!?
Cum Recepticle: You better be able to repeat some of them back to me, or I'm never, ever speaking to your lying ass again
Scutrputr: You're my one and only
Scutrputr: pookie-poo
Cum Recepticle: and? Keep going.
Scutrputr: My Imzadi? my beloved, my soul mate?
Cum Recepticle: Hmm...that's a little better.
Scutrputr: you are my world, Cindy. I'm sorry that I betrayed you. trust me, I never wanted to hurt you. Now that I have I feel terrible
Scutrputr: my heart is racing right now. I know I'm losing the most important thing in my life
Cum Recepticle: I can't trust a single word out of your mouth, Scott...this is all too much to handle
Scutrputr: I know. I'm sorry, Cindy.
Scutrputr: I'm so so so so so sorry
Cum Recepticle: Please say something...anything...to make things all better
Cum Recepticle: Why did you have to do this? WHY!? OH GOD WHY!!?!
Scutrputr: All I can tell you is that I really do love you. I can TALK to other girls but that's just me being horny. I LOVE you. I do honestly believe that you are my soulmate.
Cum Recepticle: Are you saying my words aren't enough for you!? You need other women to fullfill your erogenous desires? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!?
Scutrputr: I'm sorry I'm so shallow. You have every right to hate me. You're too good for me. I don't deserve you
Cum Recepticle: You're damn right - I don't need you, and you don't deserve me. I'm sorry it has to end this way, Scott...goodbye
Scutrputr: What can I say? Anything I say, even if it's my heartfelt truth, would sound like a lie
Scutrputr: I'm sorry too, Cindy
Scutrputr: I love you
Cum Recepticle: I...thought I loved you, Scott. It's over. Don't call or talk to me ever, ever again.
Cum Recepticle: I HATE YOU
Scutrputr: Imzadi
Scutrputr: I am sorry
Cum Recepticle: I'm blocking you now...I was serious about not calling me, ever again - I'll get a restraining order put on your ass.
Cum Recepticle: Goodbye, Scott...if only you weren't such a soulless, penis-controlled bastard.

*******************************************************

Scutrputr: hi
Cum Recepticle: Hello there. My name's Cindy
Scutrputr: hey there, my name's scott
Cum Recepticle: Doesn't my name ring a bell>?
Scutrputr: I don't know. should it?
Cum Recepticle: Yes it should.
Cum Recepticle: Like, you love me, you goddamned whore!
Cum Recepticle: HOW DARE YOU TRY AND PICK UP GIRLS ON THE INTNERNET
Cum Recepticle: I knew I'd catch you
Scutrputr: what?
Cum Recepticle: From your info:
Cum Recepticle: I'll talk to anybody about just about anything! You'll find that I'm a super nice guy who just likes to make friends. IM me sometime! Bye! I love you, Cindy!!!!!!!
I'm a schmoopie!!! yay!!!
Cum Recepticle: DUH
Scutrputr: who is this?
Cum Recepticle: CINDY YOU BASTARD
Scutrputr: Cindy?
Scutrputr: my girlfriend?
Cum Recepticle: NO SHIT SHERLOCK
Cum Recepticle: I've been trying to catch you in the act for a long time now, you ungrateful bastard
Scutrputr: what's my last name?
Cum Recepticle: Hey, I don't need to answer to you, asshole
Cum Recepticle: I KNEW you were doing this shit behind my back, you couldn't fool me
Scutrputr: Cindy, I'm not trying to "pick up" anybody
Cum Recepticle: Oh, MY ASS YOU AREN'T
Cum Recepticle: I suppose you IM people named Cum Recepticle simply for idle conversation, eh?
Scutrputr: ok ok. Fine. I'm sorry. i'm an asshole
Cum Recepticle: Yes you are, YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE
Scutrputr: I'll never talk to you again. I'm sorry.
Cum Recepticle: HOW DARE YOU!!!!!
Cum Recepticle: And I trusted you.
Cum Recepticle: No, please...don't go
Cum Recepticle: I'm sorry, I overreacted.
Scutrputr: Beleive me, Cindy, when I tell you I love you i really, truly mean it
Scutrputr: I've never meant it before
Cum Recepticle: WHAT!?
Cum Recepticle: WHAT THE FUCK
Scutrputr: Before I met you
Cum Recepticle: that's supposed to comfort me or something?
Cum Recepticle: Oh...okay...
Scutrputr: you've got me shaken..I'm sorry
Cum Recepticle: My ass. You're just playing me, I know it
Scutrputr: Cindy, you are the only one I love
Cum Recepticle: Then why are you IMing strangers on the internet? GIRLS even!
Scutrputr: I am so, so sorry
Cum Recepticle: I'm so sure...Scott, it's difficult for me to believe you
Scutrputr: I don't know
Cum Recepticle: I feel so tramatized right now, I don't know what to believe
Cum Recepticle: All I know is what this looks like, that you're picking up girls on the internet
Cum Recepticle: AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!?
Scutrputr: Cindy, I love you. I want to be with you. I don't know what I'm saying
Scutrputr: I'm jus a horny jerk
Cum Recepticle: Well, I knew that...but that doesn't make things any better.
Cum Recepticle: How am I ever to trust you again?
Scutrputr: Cindy, I want you to know that I really do love you
Scutrputr: I'm not just saying that
Cum Recepticle: But how can I know for sure?
Cum Recepticle: I know you've been doing this behind my back since we hooked up, I just know it
Scutrputr: I want to be with you. Why do you think I'm wanting to come all the way up there?
Cum Recepticle: I denied it, but I finally had to see for myself...
Cum Recepticle: But you're not here, now, and that's what hurts
Cum Recepticle: because I don't know...maybe you're seeing someone else...?
Scutrputr: I know. I'm just not used to being in a relationship
Cum Recepticle: But....all those things you've said to me!
Scutrputr: Like I love you? I meant it
Scutrputr: You're the first person I've ever been able to say that to
Cum Recepticle: No, those other sweet words
Cum Recepticle: DON'T YOU REMEMBER!?
Cum Recepticle: You better be able to repeat some of them back to me, or I'm never, ever speaking to your lying ass again
Scutrputr: You're my one and only
Scutrputr: pookie-poo
Cum Recepticle: and? Keep going.
Scutrputr: My Imzadi? my beloved, my soul mate?
Cum Recepticle: Hmm...that's a little better.
Scutrputr: you are my world, Cindy. I'm sorry that I betrayed you. trust me, I never wanted to hurt you. Now that I have I feel terrible
Scutrputr: my heart is racing right now. I know I'm losing the most important thing in my life
Cum Recepticle: I can't trust a single word out of your mouth, Scott...this is all too much to handle
Scutrputr: I know. I'm sorry, Cindy.
Scutrputr: I'm so so so so so sorry
Cum Recepticle: Please say something...anything...to make things all better
Cum Recepticle: Why did you have to do this? WHY!? OH GOD WHY!!?!
Scutrputr: All I can tell you is that I really do love you. I can TALK to other girls but that's just me being horny. I LOVE you. I do honestly believe that you are my soulmate.
Cum Recepticle: Are you saying my words aren't enough for you!? You need other women to fullfill your erogenous desires? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!?
Scutrputr: I'm sorry I'm so shallow. You have every right to hate me. You're too good for me. I don't deserve you
Cum Recepticle: You're damn right - I don't need you, and you don't deserve me. I'm sorry it has to end this way, Scott...goodbye
Scutrputr: What can I say? Anything I say, even if it's my heartfelt truth, would sound like a lie
Scutrputr: I'm sorry too, Cindy
Scutrputr: I love you
Cum Recepticle: I...thought I loved you, Scott. It's over. Don't call or talk to me ever, ever again.
Cum Recepticle: I HATE YOU
Scutrputr: Imzadi
Scutrputr: I am sorry
Cum Recepticle: I'm blocking you now...I was serious about not calling me, ever again - I'll get a restraining order put on your ass.
Cum Recepticle: Goodbye, Scott...if only you weren't such a soulless, penis-controlled bastard.

******************************************************

drsaw2: hey there
Cum Recepticle: Hello, Doctor Saw!
Cum Recepticle: Are you into amputations?
drsaw2: what kind?
Cum Recepticle: Um....like, the kind you do with a bone saw.
Cum Recepticle: I dunno, arms, legs, you name it.
drsaw2: i'm more into putting things in. you know?
Cum Recepticle: Ooooh yeah, I know *exactly* what you mean.
drsaw2: how did you get the sn?
Cum Recepticle: I love a catheter as much as the next guy
Cum Recepticle: Umm...because people deposit their cum in me a lot.
drsaw2: what hole?
Cum Recepticle: I don't recall saying anything about a hole.
drsaw2: where do they deposit?
Cum Recepticle: The bank.
Cum Recepticle: Well, in me...
Cum Recepticle: I'm a sperm bank.
Cum Recepticle: The Western Fertility Center of Illinois, as a matter of fact.
drsaw2: what do you do with the sperm?
Cum Recepticle: My staff of trained doctors, nurses and other professionals sorts, catalogs and stores the sperm for use in artificial insemination techniques for singles and couples unable to have children of their own.
drsaw2: so why does your profile say you're 13 and like to fuck?
Cum Recepticle: I was founded 13 years ago by Dr. Karl Obstenstein, a noted professor in the field of Artificial Fertility Treatments. I'm not sure why it says I like to fuck, tho...that's not quite how it works.
drsaw2: are you making this shit up as you go along?
Cum Recepticle: What? No! I'm a noted fertility clinic - I don't make shit up.
drsaw2: oh.ok.
Cum Recepticle: So, what can I do for you?
drsaw2: well, i didn;t know you were a fertility clinic, so i don't know
Cum Recepticle: Oh.
Cum Recepticle: So, you're into cybersex, right?
drsaw2: i'm into all sex. u?
Cum Recepticle: I'm a sperm bank, for crying out loud! I don't have sex, I have maintanence checks and get power bills.
drsaw2: ok
Cum Recepticle: However, if you were interested, my staff could purchase some of your semen from you.
drsaw2: how would i get it to u?
Cum Recepticle: You'd put it in a manilla envelope and send it to us Priority Mail.
Cum Recepticle: If you don't get it here in 2-3 days it'll go bad.
drsaw2: oh ok. can you do anything to help me get it out?
Cum Recepticle: Possibly. First, I need you to remove your pants and underwear/boxers.
drsaw2: ok
Cum Recepticle: Okay, do you have a webcam or digital camera or anything? This'll be easier if I can see what you're doing.
drsaw2: no. i don't sorry
Cum Recepticle: Okay. Well, we can do this still, but it may take longer.
Cum Recepticle: Next, go get some vaseline. It'll make the next step easier.
drsaw2: ok
Cum Recepticle: That was quick. You're one sick puppy...
drsaw2: i told you. i like sex
Cum Recepticle: Right.
Cum Recepticle: Okay, here's what you're going to do -
Cum Recepticle: put vaseline on the index and middle finger of your left hand, and insert those fingers into your rectum.
Cum Recepticle: There's a spot in the upper-front quadrant of your colon that, if pressure is applied to, will cause you to have an uncontrollable orgasm.
drsaw2: but i don't do it that way
Cum Recepticle: Before you apply the pressure, be sure to have the manilla envelope placed securely over your penis, so as to collect all the semen.
Cum Recepticle: Oh, okay...how do you want to do it then?
Cum Recepticle: As long as you deposit your load into the envelope, it doesn't matter how you get it out.
drsaw2: i was looking for a young girl
Cum Recepticle: BTW, I suggest you write all the mailing information on the envelope before ejaculating into it, it's kind of difficult to write on it once it's soggy.
Cum Recepticle: Hm, could you go down to the local Red Light District and pick up a young girl? Would that work?
drsaw2: probably not
Cum Recepticle: Damn. Do you have a sister or cousin nearby?
drsaw2: no
drsaw2: i've thought of that
Cum Recepticle: Is your mother around?
drsaw2: too old
Cum Recepticle: I'm sure you have thought about that...*sighs*
Cum Recepticle: Right, well..hmm...
Cum Recepticle: I guess that answers the question of whether or not you could go to a nearby graveyard.
drsaw2: yup
Cum Recepticle: Hm. What city do you live in?
drsaw2: miami
Cum Recepticle: Go down to the Miami Zoo, I'm sure you can find a primate of your liking there.
drsaw2: where are you?
Cum Recepticle: *sighs* I'm in Baiting, west Illinois.
drsaw2: no one there that could help me?
Cum Recepticle: Oh, yes.
drsaw2: who?
Cum Recepticle: My trained staff can help you donate, no problem.
drsaw2: how do you mean?
Cum Recepticle: You'll have to come here, of course, and the nurse will have to stick her fingers into your ass, but it'll work.
drsaw2: oh ok
Cum Recepticle: Our trained professionals cannot stick their index and middle fingers into your anus from across the country. We're not Quantum Physicists or anything.
drsaw2: ok
Cum Recepticle: It'd really be easiest if you were to find some pornography on the internet, masturbate to it, and deposit your semen into the manilla envelope addressed to the Western Fertility Center of Illinois.
Cum Recepticle: (send Priority Mail, of course)
drsaw2: can you send me a pic?
Cum Recepticle: yeah, hold on a sec
drsaw2: ok
Cum Recepticle: Damn...sorry, but I'm unable to find a picture of our advanced facility, complete with photos of the labs and rest area.
Cum Recepticle: It really is beautiful in the fall.
drsaw2: oh well. guess i'll talk to you later
Cum Recepticle: Okay. Remember - mail us that semen for some quick cash!

***********************************************************

mase9779: hiya
Cum Recepticle: Hello!
mase9779: wanna chat or are ya busy?
Cum Recepticle: yeah chat sounds good
Cum Recepticle: so what are you up to?
mase9779: nothing much. and you?
Cum Recepticle: nothing much, just sitting around waiting for Mr. Perfect to show up
mase9779: how will you know when you see him?
Cum Recepticle: I dunno. I'm sure I will
mase9779: whats your stats?
Cum Recepticle: Str: 16, Int: 15, Wis: 18, Dex: 15, Cha: 16. I'm a cleric.
Cum Recepticle: Human, BTW
Cum Recepticle: what are you?
Cum Recepticle: I've also got an elven fighter character
mase9779: huh?
Cum Recepticle: eh?
Cum Recepticle: Oh, sorry...I guess I missunderstood you
Cum Recepticle: do you like fantasy role-playing?
Cum Recepticle: About sex, of course
mase9779: no...never got into that stuff...
mase9779: whats about sex?
Cum Recepticle: that's what I mean
Cum Recepticle: like, acting out your fantasies about sex
Cum Recepticle: what did you think I meant?
mase9779: i don't know...thats why i asked.
Cum Recepticle: Oh
Cum Recepticle: well, anyway. So are you into fantasy sex?
mase9779: how so? like games or acting out?
Cum Recepticle: DAMMIT
Cum Recepticle: do you not know what role-playing is?
Cum Recepticle: Like, acting out your fantasies?
Cum Recepticle: you cybersex right?
mase9779: not in a long time.
Cum Recepticle: Do you like to? I'd really like to have some hot fantasy cybersex with you
mase9779: yeah i like it....not really good at it.
Cum Recepticle: Ah, well I bet I can help you
Cum Recepticle: what's a fantasy of yours?
mase9779: teacher and a school girl. or seducing a neighbors younger daughter.
Cum Recepticle: Okay, I like the neighbor's daughter thing
mase9779: okay. do you have a pic i can see of you?
Cum Recepticle: No, not yet...sorry
mase9779: its okay.
Cum Recepticle: So, anyway...let's do the neighbor's daughter thing, okay?
mase9779: okay. can i ask you tho....a/s/l real fast?
Cum Recepticle: 13/f/IH
mase9779: thanks.
Cum Recepticle: u?
mase9779: 21/m/CA
Cum Recepticle: Mmmmm oh yeah
Cum Recepticle: I really like older guys
mase9779: thats good.
Cum Recepticle: So...we're in a small village, you live next to my hut
mase9779: ok
Cum Recepticle: I'm out in the yard, watering the plants
Cum Recepticle: I'm wearing a nice dress my mom made for me
Cum Recepticle: Hello there, neighbor! What are you up to?
mase9779: just coming home to relax
Cum Recepticle: Ah, would you like to come in and have some stew?
Cum Recepticle: I'll give you a backrub, even...I know your line of work is hard
mase9779: oh that would be nice but i need to finish some work....if you can you can bring the stew by for me in a little while.
Cum Recepticle: Okay, that works...here, lemme get it now!
Cum Recepticle: *I run inside, grab a bowl of stew, and run back out*
mase9779: oh thank you sweetheart.
Cum Recepticle: Let me help you out of your work clothes...lets go inside your hut
mase9779: ok. remember to rub hard this time. my back is really tight.
Cum Recepticle: K
Cum Recepticle: *I follow you inside, and make you sit down on a stool*
Cum Recepticle: Here, lemme get you out of these...
Cum Recepticle: *I unlatch the buckles on each side of your breastplate and remove it*
Cum Recepticle: Wow...your muscles are all tight...
Cum Recepticle: *I begin rubbing them hard, working my way down your back*
mase9779: oh that feels good. lower back is really tense for some reason.
Cum Recepticle: K, lemme get to it
mase9779: thanks. your such a sweetie.
Cum Recepticle: *I unbuckle your sword belt, letting it fall to the ground with a loud clank*
Cum Recepticle: Wow, you're really tense down there...
Cum Recepticle: *I begin rubbing your sides, my hands slowly moving towards the front of your tunic / top of your breeches*
Cum Recepticle: How does that feel?
mase9779: *ackwardly, but with pleasure and growing passion* really good.
Cum Recepticle: Wow, what's that lump in the front?
mase9779: *blushing* another tense muscle.
Cum Recepticle: Should I rub it?
mase9779: i dunno...your mother might not approve
Cum Recepticle: why not?
mase9779: *blushing* because more much older then you. you shouldn't see something like that for a couple more years my dear.
Cum Recepticle: are you sure? Lemme see!! It can't be that bad!
mase9779: okay but you have to keep it between us.
Cum Recepticle: K.
Cum Recepticle: Lemme see!
Cum Recepticle: Can I get it out?
mase9779: sure. be gentle tho. its sensitive
Cum Recepticle: k
Cum Recepticle: * I get around in front of you, and grasp the tie-strings on your dirty breeches*
Cum Recepticle: Mmm...I can't wait to see it!
Cum Recepticle: *I open your pants, and pull them down...*
Cum Recepticle: OH MY GOD!!!!
mase9779: please be quiet...someone might hear
Cum Recepticle: *I leap back as the goblin hidden in your pants leaps out, screaming in it's monster-gibberish*
Cum Recepticle: AAhhhhh!!!!! Kill it!!!
Cum Recepticle: *I grab for your sword, pulling it from it's scabbard*
Cum Recepticle: It must have hidden in there when you were in the dungeon!!!
mase9779: no no. its a friend
Cum Recepticle: *I swing widely, the goblin ducking my lousy to-hit roll of 1. Being a fumble, I reroll...and hit you!*
Cum Recepticle: *I scream as I bury your sword deep into your stomach, spraying your entrails across the room!*
Cum Recepticle: Oh nooo!!!! Aaaah!
Cum Recepticle: Oh god...are you going to die? Maybe I should go get a cleric..?
Cum Recepticle: Hello?
mase9779: huh? you killed me...what can i say?
Cum Recepticle: No, you're not dead yet - we can get a cleric to cast a Cure Serious Wounds spell on you, then you'll be fine.
mase9779: then you should run along and get one quick...otherwise i may not be able to forgive you.
Cum Recepticle: K, I'll do that...
Cum Recepticle: *I run out of the hut, leaving you with the goblin, who has now grabbed a kitchen knife with which he's menacing you*
Cum Recepticle: *I come back in a few minutes later followed by your adventuring companion, Baldor the Bold*
Cum Recepticle: Baldor: What say yee, friend? Tis an awful flesh wound thee hast acquired, is it not?
Cum Recepticle: Yes, it's awful cleric Baldor! Please heal him!
Cum Recepticle: Baldor: Egads, but what of the evil-spawn goblin!?
Cum Recepticle: (Ummm....say something mase, you're not role-playing very well)
mase9779: heal me before i am gone to the heavens.
mase9779: (told you im not that good)
Cum Recepticle: *The goblin leaps at you, stabbing you repeatedly with the knife*
Cum Recepticle: Noooo! Stop him priest!
mase9779: yes get him quickly.
Cum Recepticle: *Baldor says a few Holy words, and a bolt of thunder streaks from his hand, killing the goblin where it stands!*
mase9779: a true hero.
Cum Recepticle: Baldor: Thee power of the heavens shant forsake us against thee enemies of light!
Cum Recepticle: *Baldor the Bold casts a spell of healing upon you, magically stiching you back to full health*
mase9779: you are a wonderful man and much braver then i.
Cum Recepticle: Baldor: Tis time for me to retire to the temple. I shall see yee at dawn tomorrow, eh friend warrior? Thee Dungeon awaits!
mase9779: yes tomorrow. we will stand together.
Cum Recepticle: *Baldor waves, and leaves your hut.*
Cum Recepticle: *I'm standing in front of your collection of war trophies, looking them over intently*
Cum Recepticle: What's this? *Pointing at a wand fastooned to the mantle above your fireplace*
mase9779: i must teach you how to swing a sword some time other wise i might find myself dead again.
Cum Recepticle: *I grab the wand off the wall, and swing it around gleefully*
Cum Recepticle: Tee hee! This is fun, I feel just like a wizard now!
mase9779: careful its a ward of love.
Cum Recepticle: Oh joy, it kinda gets me feeling all tingly in my nether-regions. I feel hot...hot like FIRE!
mase9779: have you told your mother of these hot feelings?
Cum Recepticle: *By speaking the word, the wand erupts, blasting forth a ball of flame. Rolling 10d6 damage I come up with 47! Roll your saving throw for half damage, Mase*
Cum Recepticle: *I failed mine, and being but a young girl with only 2 HP, I'm incinerated into little more than ash and bones.*
Cum Recepticle: Did you make your saving throw? Or does it matter? You can't have more than what, 25 hit points total? I mean, you're like a 2nd or 3rd level fighter, right?
mase9779: i don't even know...this is new to me.
Cum Recepticle: DAMMIT, I fucking hate playing Dungeons & Dragons with newbies, you should have at least read through the basics before we started playing.
mase9779: i didn't even know we where playing
Cum Recepticle: It doesn't matter now anyway, there's the charred corpse of your neighbor's daughter laying on your floor, and you're seriously burnt by a Wand of Fireballs
mase9779: why have a sexual fantasy acted out in a RPG?
Cum Recepticle: Sexual fantasy? What?
Cum Recepticle: Woah, slow down here Billy-boy; what the fuck are you talking about?
mase9779: this is what im talking about -Cum Recepticle: Do you like to? I'd really like to have some hot fantasy cybersex with you
Cum Recepticle: BUT YOU'RE A GUY!!! THAT IS FUCKING SICK
Cum Recepticle: Dude, I'm a Computer Science major from Berkley...and a guy
Cum Recepticle: I was just playing a 13 year old girl from the Independent Hinterlands (IH), a fantasy game world I play in with some of the guys.
Cum Recepticle: YOU FUCKING SICK PERVERT...god that's wrong...
mase9779: no playing female parts in a fucking RPG of cybersex is fucking sick you wacko.
Cum Recepticle: What the Hell are you talking about? If you had played better and hadn't gotten me killed we could have had hot FANTASY sex, but nooo...you had to go let a girl play with your wand. Now *that* is sick.
Cum Recepticle: Dude, I'm going to go make another character, I'll get back to you once I finish. Does a halfling druid sound okay to you, or maybe a half-ogre barbarian?
mase9779: what the fuck?? you were doing everything...besides fuck that...RPG's shouldn't have any kinda sexual plot...and i definitely don't wanna have cyber sex with someone playing a girl.
Cum Recepticle: I was being the Dungeon Master since you were new to it, like you said.
Cum Recepticle: WHAT THE FUCK, so you want to have sex with a REAL, 13-YEAR OLD GIRL? You fucking perv.
mase9779: no i don't wanna play any damn games...
mase9779: no i didn't...i wanted to talk...you wanted cyber sex.
mase9779: i just said okay whatever.
Cum Recepticle: Well, it takes two to tango, mister.
mase9779: you gave me stats of be 13/f/IH.....and your directory says your name is christy from IH....why pretend...whynot be straight up with people.
mase9779: and was i really doing anything?
Cum Recepticle: I guess we can pretend that I was protected by a Heat Shield spell, so that I'm not dead. So...Baldor the Bold just left, and I'm in your room, looking at you whistfully.
mase9779: i was more like "yeah whatever" then actually being in it.
Cum Recepticle: Sir knight, now that the goblin evil is vanquished, what shall we do? My nether-regions are still tingling...
mase9779: don't you get it....i don't wanna play the damn game. and i just wanted to chat with someone.
mase9779: i choose you because your stats said were a 13 yearold girl into sex...and i wanted to find out how you got into sex and such a young age.
Cum Recepticle: DAMMIT, fine...I apologize, okay?
Cum Recepticle: I guess fantasy role-playing isn't your thing, I'm really sorry.
Cum Recepticle: Can you forgive me?
mase9779: i guess but why lie about everything?
Cum Recepticle: I wasn't lying, I was just playing in-character.
Cum Recepticle: So, okay...since you didn't like that, let me try this.
mase9779: okay i may be a freak in your work but why be a character all the time....just be yourself and when someone agrees to do RPG then be a character.
Cum Recepticle: We're in the Space Attack Cruiser Wordsworth, in the Nebulon cluster of the Xanthadu sector. I'm Sheena, the warrior-princess from Tathalon IV
Cum Recepticle: Who are you? The ship could use a gunner, I think. I don't have a character made that can fire Class 7 Lasers yet.
mase9779: look....2 things....i don't wanna play RPG's period...and 2....why be girls? your a guy...why not be a guy.
Cum Recepticle: You can be a guy, that's cool. Be a reptilian, too! That way you get bonuses to your Aim attribute.
mase9779: look your not listening...i don't wanna be nothing...no Role playing.
Cum Recepticle: Plus you can pay 5 character points to get the Prehensile Penis ability, and we can have some awesome zero-gravity sex!
Cum Recepticle: DUDE, I AM NOT GAY. If you want hot sex you'll need to either role-play with me, or find it somewhere else.
Cum Recepticle: So, you going to have the wiggly-waggly schlong of love, or not?
mase9779: i don't want sex with you....no anybody else....i was looking for interesting chat....why the fuck do i wanna have cyber sex with someone thats a guy playing a girl?
Cum Recepticle: Huh? Damn, you're confusing. How about we both be girls, I've got this awesome Amazonian character!

*****************************************************

Dorado1026: Hey how old are you?
Hooked on Cock: I take it you're illiterate?
Dorado1026: execuse me?
Dorado1026: that was rude
Hooked on Cock: well...it says in my info, so the fact that you asked me indicates you can't read.
Hooked on Cock: That wasn't rude, anyway...calling you a cockfuck is rude.
Dorado1026: may be I didnt look at your info I have better things do
Dorado1026: plus you shouldnt be talking like that I didnt think that 12 yearsolds knew what that stuff was
Hooked on Cock: You're IMing someone named Hooked On Cock, and you're going to tell me you've got "better things to do"?
Dorado1026: listen here Miss Priss you need to get over your cocked up self and get on with your life
Hooked on Cock: I'm TRYING to get on with cock
Hooked on Cock: And don't take that tone of voice with me, wienerhead.
Dorado1026: well, you go for it
Dorado1026: But I was just going to see what your deal was
Dorado1026: you ask me if I have better things to do than I m you?
Dorado1026: well you are the one who cant get the real thing and have to get your pleasure online
Dorado1026: that is pitful
Dorado1026: go for the real thing
Dorado1026: or can you?
Hooked on Cock: I do all the time
Hooked on Cock: yet again, you didn't seem to read my profile.
Hooked on Cock: I fuck and I suck non-stop, cybersex is just so my tender loins can recoup after a hardcore fuck-fest.
Hooked on Cock: They get sore after DVDA action, ya know?
Dorado1026: yeah I bet
Dorado1026: that is what they all say
Hooked on Cock: Jesus H Christ, who have you been talking to?
Hooked on Cock: Your mother was probably lying, anyway
Dorado1026: what ?
Dorado1026: are you talking about?
Hooked on Cock: *sighs*
Hooked on Cock: Do you have some short-term memory problem?
Dorado1026: excuse me?
Hooked on Cock: That'd explain your lack of competence.
Hooked on Cock: Hablas Englais?
Dorado1026: you are too young to even know what sex is more less enjoy it get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hooked on Cock: Just because you didn't get dick at a tender young age is no reason to take out your pent-up sexual agressions on me, Mr.
Dorado1026: ok whatever you say
Dorado1026: in fact I get some every night and it is well worth it
Hooked on Cock: I bet it is! Does your girly queer quarterback boy-toy enjoy punting as much as you enjoy receiving?
Dorado1026: well that is very personel
Dorado1026: just put iot this way I enjoy it a heck of alot better than you ever will get it?
Dorado1026: bye
Hooked on Cock: I'm sure it is, but I figure we're opening up here, bridging the emotional gap
Hooked on Cock: Don't leave me!
Hooked on Cock: I'm SOO SORRY
Hooked on Cock: help me, please.
Dorado1026: for what?
Dorado1026: help you?
Dorado1026: do what?
Dorado1026: get horny again?
Hooked on Cock: Explain to me how you can be certain that your sex is better than mine.
Hooked on Cock: For one, my pussy is way tighter than any fully-developed girl's is...
Hooked on Cock: and we all know friction is a man's best friend.
Hooked on Cock: ...but I want to hear your point of view on things. It's important to a trusting relationship to accept each other's opinions.
Dorado1026: yeah i bet
Hooked on Cock: I'm serious! Why would I lie to you?
Hooked on Cock: So, pray tell...why is your sex so damn good?
Dorado1026: i bet you dont even have anything worth making a man happy with you and your mosquito bites
Dorado1026: do you think that I am going to sit here and tell some looser all about me sex life?
Hooked on Cock: Heh...my men may go pale and weak-kneed, but it's not from draining their blood...
Hooked on Cock: I think you should. Especially since you seem to feel it's important that I Right My Wrongs.
Dorado1026: whtaever you think I guess usually goes but not in this situation
Hooked on Cock: Sitting there telling me how pathetic I am without saying anything to change me is pretty damn useless, doncha think?
Hooked on Cock: Does it make you feel better about yourself to point out other's shortcomings?
Dorado1026: yeah whatever you say?
Hooked on Cock: Sorry, did my use of the English language confuse you?
Hooked on Cock: I keep forgetting that you're illiterate. My mistake.
Dorado1026: yeah pleses remember that
Hooked on Cock: Will do, monkeyboy.
Hooked on Cock: Dammit, you're avoiding the subject - tell me about your sex life.
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Hooked on Cock: Or, more specifically, why it's better than mine. I get it more than once a day, usually, so right there I've got you beat.
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: po
Dorado1026: no
Dorado1026: no
Hooked on Cock: Is there anything you *will* tell me? Abuse me some more, then...at least that way I get to hear your sweet words
Hooked on Cock: Tell me I'm a dirty, dirty whore.
Hooked on Cock: (If you've got the balls...otherwise just keep ignoring me)
Dorado1026: leave me along
Dorado1026: alone got it??
Hooked on Cock: Yes I do.
Dorado1026: ok then

Dorado1026: do it
Dorado1026: leave me alone
Hooked on Cock: But I don't care what you say, since all you do is call me names and never explain yourself.
Hooked on Cock: I don't listen to those that use simply bully tactics to get their way.
Dorado1026: well it seems to me like you sre still listening to me arent youo?
Dorado1026: if you dont listen to me then leave me alone
Hooked on Cock: Not until you preach to me about your sex life.
Dorado1026: bye
Dorado1026: bye
Dorado1026: bye
Hooked on Cock: I want to hear what homo-erotic things you do, dammit!
Dorado1026: bye
Dorado1026: bye
Hooked on Cock: I can do that too!
Hooked on Cock: tell me your fantasies, stud
Hooked on Cock: *cries* They always leave me so....unfullfilled....

posted by stuart  # 4:30 AM

first post