the brownhaze: the dsutbin of the internet

blog

since 18/9/2003

Monday, March 27, 2006

Kersal Massive

Fancy a cringe,

Then check out these chavs with their hard core rap, my favourite line is

“got on the bus with my day sa-ver”

Brilliant.

Clicky here to watch

The video itself was on You Tube and linked to in the B3TA news letter. At this point I guess the M.C. Mac, Little fuckin Kev and Ginger Joe must have decided it was a little bit embarrassing, because they have now removed it, but I have hosted it here for all to see.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Falling Down

Ever wanted to see George Bush falling from an infinite height bouncing off of random round rocks.

Nor had I, but I should have, it quite hypnotic.

See…

Gagius Nobius

I’ve been slightly worried that this site is getting a bit highbrow with all of these wordy articles and well thought out opinion, so to counteract this, here are a load of crudely drawn nob gags

There, thats better.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Too Many Adjectives

One of my pet hates is the use of adjectives to make food sound posher then it actually is and therefore push up the price. You can have a good game with this next time you are in a restaurant. Find the longest description of a dish on the menu and remove all of the adjectives , what you are left with will still be perfectly accurate, you will have jus saved about eight words.

Outside of the restaurant, the worst offenders for this are crisp companies. Lets face it, there are basically 4 basic flavours of crisp (we will ignore the chicken, prawn cocktail and other faddy flavours):

Cheese and Onion
Salt and Vinegar
Salt and Pepper
Ready Salted

But add a few unnecessary adjectivesand you get:

West Country Cheddar and Onion
Sea Salt and Somerset Cider Vinegar
Sea Salt and Indian Black Pepper

And my personal favourite

Anglesey Sea Salt

Like coming from Anglesesy makes the blindest bit of difference.

These particular gems are from the extremely poncey Pipers crisps that they have started selling in my canteen at work (check out the pictures of real, serious farmers they have on the website, you can almost smell the slurry), but they are not the only ones, not by a long shot.

Here are some flavours from the well known producer of mildly poncey (but very tasty) Kettle Chips.

Mature Cheddar and Chive
Double Gloucester and Red Onion
Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar
Sea Salt with Crushed Black Peppercorns

That’s a total of 8 wasted adjectives just on that short selection of basic crisp flavours.

It almost makes me want to start a new web page dedicated to the overuse of adjectives, but I already have so many sites that I don’t bother to update, that would seem like bloody minded webpage neglect.

Oh, by the way…

While researching this article I came across this notification from the Food Standards Agency saying that “Kettle Foods Ltd recalls a variety of its own brand Kettle Chips” It goes on to say “Kettle Foods Ltd. has recalled two batches of its own brand Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar KETTLE® chips 150g size due to possible contamination with a dairy seasoning” I’m surprised they didn’t just re-name the flavour “Sea Salt, Balsamic Vinegar and West Devonshire Hand Selected Dairy Seasoning”.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Nasty

Here is a particularly despicable 419 scam e-mail, attempting to scam people out of money based on other peoples misery.

NAME:BARRISTER, AZU PETER JNR,
LAGOS STATE CHAMBER OF JUSTICE
P.O BOX,138 IKE NWAOSI ESTATE
VICTORIA ISLAND LAGOS.

DEAR SIR/MADAM,

I wish you the best in life for you and your family, and I hope you
will receive this mail in good spirit and respond quickly with utmost
secrecy and confidentiality, I got your address through my professional relationship in discharging my duties for my government, I am Barrister Azu Peter Jnr,an Attorney to Mr Newman Smith, A solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr Newman Smith, a foreigner who is an expertrate with Nigerian Oil development.

My Client Mr Newman Smith, and his whole family of wife and 2 kids died in bomb blast in lagos Nigeria on Sunday, 2 February, 2003. take a look at the bellow website for you perusal.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/2718295.stm

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating his money and property
left behind before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Finance Company where this huge deposit was lodged.Well, the deceased had the sum of US$14.7 million dollars(Family Treasure) Saved with a Finance company. After notification of the death of the deceased to the Finance Company,they issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the Funds confisicated within the next 72 days .

Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives,that is
therefore why I seek your consent to purporting you as the next of kin of the deceased so that the proceeds of this Amount valued at US$14.7m dollars can be paid to you as the bonafide approved Next of Kin by the Finance Company. If you agree we can discuss the percentage you will have as compensation on your involvement.

I have all necessary papers that can be used to back up the facts and
claim on the Fund Release. All I require is your honest, cooperation and Sincerity to enable us see this deal go through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. please kindly contact me at my private mail box(azukapeter00@excite.com)

Best regards,
Barrister Azu Peter Jnr

Thursday, March 02, 2006

sPod Cast.

Reading boy done good Ricky Gervais of The Office and Extras fame has done a pod cast. This Pod Cast called, the Ricky Gervais Show is from what I can gather, basically a continuation of the show he did on XFM.

To call it the Ricky Gervais show is a little misleading, the star of this show is an unassuming Manc called Karl Pilkington. Karl used to be the producer of the Ricky Gervais show on XFM that Ricky and co writer of the Office and Extras Steve Merchant broadcast. Due to Karls unusual opinions, views and thoughts he was brought on to the show. Ricky has used things that Karl has said as part of his stand up routine and I am sure some of the characters from the office have been based on this odd person.

Anyone who has rented Rickys stand up video Polotics may have seen as an special feature a little video called Meet Karl Pilkington. When I first saw this video I was facitated with the way this guy thought (or, in a lot of cases, didn’t think) and partially believed that the he was a character being performed by an actor. If he is a comedy caricter created by Ricky Gervais then Ricky is a far greater comic geinius then any of us had ever assumed.

Here is a short list of some of the things that he think that I have just lifted from the Wikipedia:

He learnt at school that Jaffa cakes go some way to cure cancer (not fully).
Squoze is the past tense form of Squeeze.

In addition to squoze, Karl has also used grippage (for walls or surfaces with a lot of grip,) wroted (the past tense form of the verb to write) and the phrase bungled in which means to bundle multiple items/people into one pile. It is assumed he meant to say bundled in.

Fascinated with freaks and a supplement from FHM that contains "the 50 best freaks ever". Featured are a pillow man (i.e without arms or legs), a three legged juggler (not using the gift he has been given), a bloke with a tiny head that ages fast (he has a birthday every other week) and the hairy Chinese kid.

Karl also feels that when you die (at 78), you should have "something" injected into your temple, which will then, somehow, bring you back to life. Additionally, when you've been resurrected by this miracle cure injection you then begin to get younger. So, by the time you're 9 months, people won't be "sad and that" by the fact you're going to die and in turn, you won't be depressed because you're too young to realise your imminent death. This theory was elaborated from his theory that all people should automatically die at 78 and a small person, or baby, should then be born at the moment they die to prevent over population, similar to reincarnation but physically.

"You never see a homeless Chinese person". Karl also believes that Chinese people "age worse" than other races.

Homosexuals are "always tired" as they "stay out late".

British judges wear wigs to conceal their identity.

The first series of the Pod Cast has just finished, but they have moved straight in to series two, while the first series was free because it was funded by the Guardian Unlimited, this series is a pay for affair, but it works out to £1 an episodes, a price I am more then happy to pay.

To get you started I have compiled a zip file with almost all of the first series in it, so download it and give it a go when you are riding on the bus or walking in to town, just don’t be surprised when you get odd looks for bursting in to laughter in the middle of Waterstons.