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Thursday, July 03, 2008

How to Confuse an Idiot

YouTube - Dimitri the Stud

Now this is how you deal with women. jus tell them that you are a catch and that you haev nothing wrong with you.



I imagine this guy fights of fanny with a shitty stick
GLaGPS - Genetic Lifeform and Global Positioning System

GLaGPS - Genetic Lifeform and Global Positioning System

a voice for your tomtom that sounds like GLaDOS from Portal.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Trojan heralds OS X's 'new phase of exposure to malware' | The Register

Trojan heralds OS X's 'new phase of exposure to malware' | The Register

hahahahahahahahahha......




...hahahahahahaha, etc

Friday, June 27, 2008

fcuking dyslexia

Yesterday while walking through town I saw a skip being loaded on to a lorry. I read a sign painted on it and said… out loud…

“why don’t they want you to put fries in that skip”

*sigh*

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Nice to see a father engaging in his daughters interests….

..perhaps not.
Where the Hell is Matt?

There is something very beautiful about this

Friday, June 20, 2008

SPORE

Spore is going to be a great game when the release it. You will be able to develop a life form from a single celled organism to a space faring civilisation. As a little preview of this, you they have release their creature creator software for you to play with. People from B3TA have got old of it, guess what sort of creates they have created:







Labels:

Monday, June 16, 2008

To cycle or not to cycle.

I have ranted about the motorists attitude to the cyclist a couple of times before on this blog. My general complaint has been that at best, if you are not two tons and don’t make car noises then you are pretty much invisible while at worst, they will purposely try put your life in jeopardy to avoid being stuck behind you. Due to this I have been weighing up weather cycling is worth it.

Well, on Tuesday of last week at about 08:30 they got me. I was going down Northumberland avenue, which is a bit of a hill. The road was clear and I was free wheeling down the hill, probably at about 20 mph, not excessively fast. Some…how should I put this…. “stupid bitch” travelling in the other direction decided that she wanted to nip in to a parking space on my side of the road, so she just pulled across my lane. I slammed on my anchors but it was too late, I flew over my handlebars and made a nice dent in her passenger door with my head. I hit the ground badly on my left had side and started screaming.

I was very lucky, it turns out that what was left with was only bad bruising. But my god did it hurt. I could not move because of the pain. An ambulance turned up and strapped me to a back board, which was incredibly painful, examined and then given some morphine (which I would recommended).

I got taken to A&E, had my shirt cut off, got an x-ray and was told I should be OK and to go home.

That was now a week ago, I still can’t really use my left arm, and I have only just started helping out with the dog walking again.

To say I am pissed off would be an understatement. But then, I am going to sue the stupid bitch, who, incidentally, is getting done fro careless driving. So, hopefully this will pay for a nice holiday or something.

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Monday, June 09, 2008

Go Eagle!!!



Yeah! fuck you swan!!
What constitutes “bulky waste” to you.

We have a number of items that need to be taken down the tip. I don’t want to ask my Dad or my brother to help with this (I get there help for this type of thing all the time) so I phoned up the council to have it taken away.

I know that I don’t, in fact, get this done for free because I have had to do this once already to get shot of an old wardrobe. But they managed to stagger me with their uselessness anyway.

When she asked me what stuff I needed throwing away I said:
1 living room carpet (about 10 foot square)
1 10 foot length of chicken wire
2 bags of garden refuse
1 dismantled picknick bench from the back garden.
Of this I was told that I would have to cut the carpet in to 6 foot lengths which would have to be rolled up, there was no way they would take the chicken wire and she was not sure about the picknick bench.

She specifically came back to confirm this was a “pick nick bench” (as apposed to what I am not sure) and to ask what the chicken wire was used for. I told her the chicken wire was a temporary fence when used last year when next-doors fence blew down. She was adamant that these items could not be taken.

I asked her why. This is the brilliant bit…. Wait for it…….

The council will only take items that you would take if you were moving house!!!!

You know the one kind of thing that I would not take if I was moving house? Rubbish, that is one type of thing that I would consider *not* taking, due to the fact that is is rubbish that QED I no longer want. For Fucks Sake. She went on to explain the kind of thing they take are washing machines, furniture, that kind of thing.

I asked her if she would take the bench if I put it back together, making it in to the kind of thing that I would move house with. She said that it is garden furniture which, for some baffling reason only known to them, does not deserve to be taken away.

What really puzzled me is, why she checked about the chicken wire. What sort of use would have been acceptable for it to be removed. If I had said, “ I have been using the chicken wire as a 42" plasma telly and a wahser dryer” would they have taken it then?

For the love of Christ, this sort of pointless bureaucracy drives my up the fucking wall. I would have thought that the process could work like this:

Me: I have a load of rubbish in my front garden that needs to be taken away.
Council: Is there loads and loads of it to the point where you are taking the piss?
Me: No, but if there were, I would be happy to pay the difference.
Council: fair enough. Anything there that would be a danger to our bin men?
Me: not at all.
Council: cool, well, seeing as it is all rubbish, and it’s going in the back of a van to the tip, we will take the lot.

Why does life have to be so complicated.

On a positive note, my boss has a Landover and has offered to help me get rid of it one lunchtime this week. Funnily enough, he doesn’t care what the rubbish is as long as it fits in the back of a Landover.

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...and the toy design award goes to.....

the super gay batman water pistol



note the bat-buttplug.
Health and safety not the same the world over


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